How many times have you been so certain of something, but for it to turn out to be the completely opposite of what you thought?
Where you've had a belief so strong, but then years down the line you've realised that reality was completely different.
Everyone has. It comes down to experience. You've experienced another reality which has made you KNOW what is the truth.
For e.g.
I'm sure there are many people that truly believe that buying a girl a drink on a night out will increase their chances of attracting them.
However, maybe they're simply stuck in a belief trap?
Maybe they watched numerous romantic films or were given that advice from a friend. It might be true, but until they've explored it for themselves and not just taken it as the gospel they will never know.
Social conditioning through the media, films, friends or whatever can make us believe things that simply aren't true. People who we look up to have value in our eyes and whatever they say must be true.
Exploring
But here is where you can really start taking charge of your life.
How? Explore.
So you think saying hello to everyone you meet on the way to work will help your social skills?
'Well maybe, but my friends said that people will think you're creepy for talking to strangers. Most people will tell you go go away.'
Maybe? Or maybe you'll get in to some cool conversations, meet new people and expand your social circle.
Try it. Not once, or twice, but for a few weeks to a month. Record the results.
Let's say after a month you surprise yourself and you got positive reactions and met a ton of new people. You now KNOW by a consistent set of results that it is profitable.
So now what if your friends say 'If you go up to strangers they will think you're weird.'
You don't care. Why? Because you KNOW through experience that that isn't true. You have the reference experiences that talking to strangers is actually a positive thing based on X,Y,Z reasons.
Self Esteem
I have noticed in my own experiments that my self esteem has rocketed when I've taken action and explored what I think might be profitable.
I know that my character is building everyday because I'm exploring different things. I'm recording my results and learning.
Too many people are looking to other people, different techniques, quick fixes to help them increase their confidence. It will never work. Ever.
You must look within. You have to KNOW for yourself what is TRUE. You must explore and see what's what.
Exploring Method
What I would recommend is to look at the different areas of your life for e.g. Work, relationships, hobbies etc.
Look at each section and write a list of things you want to explore for each. By exploring I just mean anything you think could potentially benefit you.
For example, for work you could write down 'Ask to go on X course' or 'Ask to work in another department'. Try it out and record the results. Maybe working in another department taught you how to learn new skills and develop core confidence, so then in the future you had more confidence to try new things.
Maybe you're struggling in relationships. You may think 'Asking 5 women a week to come hang out with me doing something I enjoy' would be something to explore.
An important point. There is no pressure with exploring. You're simply seeing what's what. You can't fail, you're just seeing what works based on your own experience.
If you ever wanted to know how to build your character then this is a great tool to exercise.
Respect peoples opinions, listen to what other people have to say because there are some very wise people in the world.
However, don't assume that it's the truth, not it's total nonsense. See for yourself.
Explore.
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Joe Consterdine.
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